Editor’s Note: Dating and meeting women can be difficult for many shy, introverted guys. This article is brought to us by Naked Charisma’s newest writer, our resident woman’s voice, Ziba Sidrys, as she gives her dating advice to shy guys.
Dear Shy Guy,
How’ve you been lately? It’s crazy that we’ve known each other for so long, but in truth, we hardly know each other at all.
Can I be honest? Ever since I was just a kid I was drawn to you. You weren’t like the other boys who were brash and overbearing. You’d keep to yourself but your clever one-liners, your adorable side glances and our stolen moments together at camp had my little heart captivated from the start.
I pined over you for most of high school. You intrigued me and reeled me in with that mysterious something. Because of that quiet disposition of yours, I’d be the one to choke down my nerves and chat you up in the halls. My hands and voice would shake the entire time, and the conversations were almost always awkward, but I’d still walk away feeling elated.
The intrigue, however, eventually turned to frustration. You only asked me out your last week in town before leaving for college. As soon as you felt like you had nothing to lose, that’s when you took your chance. You didn’t risk rejection earlier when it would’ve mattered most. And that’s where it gets sad, Shy Guy.
All throughout college we’d feel that chemistry, but unless it was at a party or bar, I barely saw much of you. The real you. Anytime you would open up about something deep or personal I’d instantly feel a connection, but then you’d run away fast. It was as if you’d just scared yourself off with your own vulnerability.
Every once in a while you’d clue me in.
You’d tell me you run because you’ve been hurt before, you find me intimidating, or you have a hard time accepting yourself. That last one caught me off guard. I wish you knew…
I wish you knew that no matter what you’ve been through, where you’re at in life, how much you make, what your dating experience consists of, how you look – you are worthy of love just as you are.
But how will you ever know that if you never give anyone a real chance to get close to you? There are women out there who will adore you and find you interesting – with all of your shyness, quietness, and “awkwardness”. In fact, your perceived flaws might be among the many reasons why they like you.
It’s one of the reasons I like you.
I’ll let you in on a few secrets from an outgoing woman’s point of view on shy guys like you. It’s just one perspective, but it may give you that extra boost when it comes to approaching and keeping the woman of your dreams.
Secret #1: A woman’s intuition is stronger than you realize. We see past the B.S. and games.
These days men often ghost women (and vice versa) – even the ones they’re interested in. I’ve heard my guy friends say that they have no clue why they do it. Things will be going well and all of a sudden they dip out and go silent.
It seems that in many cases men would rather disappoint a woman with their silence than face a possible rejection of their real selves. But, as women, our intuition is a sixth sense that allows us to see right through that insincerity. The man thinks he’s saving his reputation, but actually, he looks cowardly in her eyes.
Show her you’re a mature and thoughtful man. Tell her your intentions, your desires, and where you stand in the relationship. Do that and we’ll definitely be impressed.
Secret #2: The 2 reasons why Alpha Males ACTUALLY win the girl.
As someone who’s been on a fair share of dates, I can tell you that the super-suave alpha male types get nervous too, especially at the beginning of a date.
Honestly, most women find it attractive because it’s an unspoken compliment to us. It also shows that he’s not just the impermeable, super cool guy he always plays – he’s human and has his own vulnerabilities. The difference is that those men face the nerves until those nerves fade. Unlike some shy guys, they don’t avoid the situation or date altogether.
Want to know the two reasons why we go out with those guys?
First, because they accept themselves – vulnerabilities, imperfections, and all. And that alone can be attractive.
And, second – this is the clincher – because they ask.
Which brings me to my next point…
Secret #3: A little mystery is good. Just make sure you take action.
No matter how intrigued a woman is, if your mystery turns into a Sherlock Holmes investigation she’ll likely lose interest and give up. A little mystery and uncertainty in the beginning is good – it allows feelings to develop and keeps each person guessing.
But, even with the strongest chemistry, an impossible game to win is not worth playing. Don’t be so confident in that “bond” between you two. Another man can swoop in at any time. And she may just allow herself to get swept up if she’s tired of waiting for you to take action.
Secret #4: A little boldness goes a long way.
You don’t have to sweat it that you’re shy or nervous. One way you can capture a woman’s attention is by casually mentioning your nerves when you’re with her. With your self-awareness and vulnerability, you paradoxically show a lot of strength. From them on, any bold move you make will mean even more to her, because she knows the internal battle you’ve conquered at each step.
Little things like asking her out on a second date in person rather than through a text or calling her the next day just to say thanks for an amazing time – it’s the small things that’ll make you stand out.
All it takes is a little boldness and having the courage to tell us honestly what’s on your mind.
Shy Guy, I hope these words will help you in some way – whether they shed some light on past experiences or give some guidance for the future. Just know that as introverted and introspective as you may be, and as much alone time as you might like, deep down there will always be that call for connection. We all have it. And it’s time we put down our phones and started following it.
A girl who wants to get to know you